Sex after menopause - different women, different paths

Body mind connection is the key

Silk texture metaphor sex after menopause Sex after menopause can be a path of sensual discovery. As we mature we see that our sensuality and sexuality reflect how we feel within ourselves and with our lover. As the wisdom of our years takes root and flourishes, so our growing inner confidence takes over from that neurotic youth obsession with how we are "seen" by the outside world.

©istock/JamesBrey

If we can connect with our senses, if we are able to communicate with an understanding and sensitive lover about these perceptions and sensations, of how we are, how we feel and what we like - then we can move towards not only a more satisfying physical relationship but also a deeper understanding with our lover.

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Discovering the different paths to sensual freedom

Women experience their bodies and their sexuality in many different ways at midlife. Sex after menopause may be an exciting adventure for some women, whereas for others, the focus becomes sensual and spiritual.

Many women learn, sooner or later, to connect with their bodies in an entirely new way at and after midlife. This happens because they find they are able to listen and tune into the way their body "speaks" to them during menopause, with its hot flushes, dryness and wakeful nights.

It may seem a struggle at first (and yes, even for a while more), but eventually women find that they can relax and grow into themselves as renewed physical, sensual beings. And if they are lucky enough to be in a creative, healthy and growing relationship, they and their partners can find a new way of relating sexually and sensually. And often these ways are not only new and exciting, but much more deeply satisfying for both partners than anything that went before.

Some women as they experience their midlife transformation, make huge changes in both their interior and exterior lives. Some decide that it is time to end a long term relationship that has become stagnant and failed to grow, or even become destructive. Women move on to new pastures of self-discovery and self-fulfillment and these new pastures may or may not include a new lover.


oyster jewels metaphor sex after menopause

©istock/RobertKacpura

Some women decide that they no longer feel the need or desire for a close physical relationship and are content to grow inwardly through following their passions and keeping close, companionable friendships.

Some women may become close to a woman friend and experience an opening up of a whole new side of their sense of womanhood as they explore a sensual physical relationship with their own sex.

Whichever path for sex after menopause, that an insightful and aware woman wishes to take, it can be new, exciting, fulfilling and soul-opening.

But there is a big proviso: that the path of sex after menopause should be a genuine and sincere path - that comes from the woman’s own self.


Want some really in-depth information on sexuality at midlife? Check out this website, which has answers to all those tricky questions... MiddlesexMD Sexuality for Life


Avoiding the dark paths

... if it is a path that conforms to the fixed prescription of a narrow, patriarchal society, with its persistent images and metaphors of older women as decayed, finished, dried up, diseased and useless...

... if it is a path that imprisons and constrains her, restricting her from the space and freedom that she needs to really become and be herself...

...if it is a tunnel that confines her to a role that negates her sense of attractiveness as first a human being and second a woman ...

... if it is any of these negative, destructive, dark paths...

...then it is a path that must be resisted with the full onslaught of unrestrained fighting power that all women can muster up from their deep mother instinct box.

And all women on the planet, whether they are biological mothers or not, know just how powerful is the defensive fighting force nestling in their mother instinct box.

Women beginning their menopausal years are entering a liminal period, a period of transformation and change which they can respond to either positively or negatively.

The exploration of her sexual, sensual and physical self is no small part of this huge transformative journey.

And at the heart of a creative and productive voyage must be the nurturing within herself of a love of her own body and her own sense of self within that body.

At midlife, a woman gathers up the wisdom and confidence of her years, and decides for herself just what choices are right for her and only her, regarding sex after menopause.

Published February 26th 2011.

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